This Just In: It's True That "Blade Runner" Sucks

Kevin wrote about being disappointed when re-watching Blade Runner over on myspace, and at the time I told him it was just because he wasn't in a Bladerunner kinda mood.  Well, I am writing today to amend that statement.  Fuck amendment, I am here to retract that statement and replace it with this: Kevin, I am sorry that I doubted you.  It had been years since I'd watched it, and I didn't know what I was thinking. You are right: this movie is horrible, and damn near unforgiveable in its awfulness.

Perhaps I should explain this extreme change of mind.  (Although maybe it's not a change of mind, because at the time I didn't really defend the movie.  Maybe it's more like coming to my senses.)

I stayed home from work today to rest my weary eyeballs.  This includes doing the very restful activities of watching movies while sewing.  Yeah.  Don't tell my doc.  Anyway, I couldn't find anything interesting in my DVD collection, when I remembered, "Hey, I have a minute collection of Laserdiscs that was handed to me by someone along with their Laserdisc player.  I have no idea what compiles the collection, as I haven't looked at it in over a year.  Let's check it out."  Among copies of The Fabulous Baker Boys, Threesome, The Last of the Mohicans, and Star Trek III: The Search For Spock, I find the director's cut of Blade Runner.  I am reminded of Kevin's rant, and think, "Well, it's been at least a decade or more since I've actually watched the thing, why don't I turn the thing on and see what happens?"

Let me quickly make a disclaimer along these lines: it's no wonder why Laserdiscs are obsolete.  They are laborious to deal with.  The player we have automatically switches from one side to the other, but in the case of a movie like Blade Runner, we are talking about four different sides to deal with.  What the fuck!  That means jumping up every 20, 30 minutes to keep the story going.  GAH!  Thank God for DVD.  I'll even say thank god for VHS at this point.

Anyway.  I was excited to watch this again.  My hopes were high.  But Kevin was right at every turn.  My god, the film is gorgeous to look at.  But that's about it. I don't need a beautiful movie: I can barely see!  I felt like I was just supposed to ooohhh and ahhhhh at all the pretty buildings and lights, and ignore the fact that the fascinating plot concept was completely lost next to Ridley Scott's obsession with tunnel lighting.  I am a softie for Harrison Ford, but my word!  Maybe they really did get a replicant to play Deckard, because he is absolutely horrendous.  Sean Young is not the sympathetic robot-girl that I remember.  She's pouty and obvious.  About the only thing that held up to my memory was Rutger Hauer's Roy squishing Terell's eyeballs (I'm eyeball sensitive, you know?).   Being that I was  watching the director's cut I didn't have to deal with the voice-over, but I don't even remember the voice-over to tell the truth, and was kind of missing it.  Did I mention that the soundtrack was making me antsy?  And that I was bored?  And flashy buildings and floating cars spewing exhaust do not a movie make?  Not that there ever needs to be a remake, but I kept wanting to know more about the replicants (I didn't care the first few time, why now?), and why can't there just be way more scenes with them interacting with each other (not like the Hauer/Hannah make out shots)?  I am babbling at this point.  Hauer is about the only thing that makes the film exciting.

So there you have it.  A long post with not a lot of content, but certainly a lot of latent rage I didn't even know I felt.  Thanks, Kevin.  I didn't know I had it in me.

Comments

[Kevin Wolf]

*Basking in it...just fucking basking in it.*

This movie has got excellent production design, and Rutger Hauer, and that's fucking it.  Nice to see you've finally woken up.  We were both in a trance or something...lulled into a decade-long Blade Runner-loving coma by the dreary music of Vangelis.

[Sara]

And how did the Vangelis slop keep the love going?  Seriously.  That shit was enough to make me rethink it.


Bask away, Kev.  You deserve it.


Btw, what's up with Los Angeles being almost totally comprised of Asians, outside of the three people on the police force and Terrell and Rachel?  


I will say this: if I have see-through outfits to look forward to in 2019, I can wait 13 years.

[whattheheck]

[this is good]

I'm a little confused with what is wrong with the movie. Seems that years and years and years ago when it came into light it was a exciting look into the so called future.. with flying cars, pollution, robots,and a overwhelming amount of Chinese people. Oh I love Chinese food. Anyway as for the acting there seems to be the same talent and style of acting going on in all movies back then.. its a sci/fi movie. Look at star wars stupendous acting right, or even the karate kid in the 80's wow and lets not forget TOP GUN. All movies were huge hits and yet all those movies we like back then when re-watched are just crap. TOP GUN lol lol that was a funny one we have a greater understand for what lies ahead in the future than we did back then. So I guess you can say smarter now than before. So when we look back on movies try to think of how you felt way back when.