Sara Writes Sometimes. . .

Hiccup is done! (and other quasi-profound thoughts)

Everything got cleared up, and I am all registered.  Still not quite sure what happened, but holy crap it was stressing me out.  I have a full load for my first quarter--20 credits, which I think is more that I ever took in one quarter in undergrad. My classes are as follows: The Teacher As Reflective Decision Maker, The Arts and Cultural Diversity, Middle School Field Experience/Seminar, Learners and Instruction, and Peer Coaching Field Experience.  That doesn't sound super exciting written out like that, but I am excited.

Everyone in the cohort has to read all of books before the start of the quarter.  I have a week to complete everything, and though I am reading for hours every day (I started a month ago), I am feeling overwhelmed.  I know it will be okay, but the reading is unguided, and I am not used to everything being front-loaded.  Pretty much over the next year I won't be reading anything for school--we will just be referring to what has already been read.  Blah.  It makes sense, I suppose, because there won't be time during the school year to do any reading.  Again, I have to remind myself that this program is different than what I had anticipated graduate work to be--it's not academic, in that there won't be lectures and essays and such.  I guess it's pretty apparent that I have no idea what I'm doing!

It's hard to believe that I will be a teacher by the fall of 2010.  Even though I decided I wanted to do this over a year ago, I still can't quite wrap my mind around it.  I used to scoff at people who assumed I was going to be a teacher because I have a BA in English literature.  When I was young--when I was a child--I always knew I wanted to go to graduate school, in part because my mom got her second Masters when I was ten (yes, my own mother has TWO MASTERS--how totally RAWR is that??).  She's a college professor, and I always imagined myself in that role, maybe, but mostly as a stunning writer, and certainly NOT as a high school teacher.  But as my life has changed, and I have matured and begun the stages of "finding myself", I realize that this is probably the path that I have always been on. I still have dreams to be a writer, but I also know now that I need more formal training.  I know that writing will always be there--but I need to have a career, and when I think on my life, and when I have been most inspired, those moments have always reflected academics and the teachers and professors who have guided me along the way.  I have idealistic dreams that I will reach and nurture countless adolescents and make everything better.  I know that is not what will happen, but those are worthy goals, nonetheless.

I am looking forward to seeing where all of this goes.

I just realized that I can't remember if I have ever mentioned how going to school is even possible.  I am going for free.  Well, not free, exactly, but, everything is going to be paid for, without financial aid, without grants, scholarships, or anything like that.  I don't have a nestegg set aside, and it's crazy to think that I am going to a private university that's going to cost me in excess of $30,000 in this economy.  But I need to give thanks for the blessings in my life. I think I avoided talking about school being funded because it was too painful for me, despite the fact that it was such good news.  Oh! Wait! I did write about it.  It helps to look things up on your own blog while you are simultaneously writing a post.  So, once again, I need to acknowledge my brother, and how his sacrifice has become his gift, and how he has utterly changed my life. 

Grad school admission: only a hiccup?

So I went to register online for my classes yesterday at my appointed time.  A notice came up that I was ineligible to register because I have to apply for readmission.  The notice is dated back from 2005, from when I graduated the first time.  Um, holy shit. I know it's a mistake, but I am totally freaking out, because there were problems with my admissions profile back when I was first accepted last fall (a clerical error, it turns out).  I am already so nervous and high-strung about going back to school because my entire career is hinged on it.  Also, we have snow again today, and I am worried about being able to get in touch with someone in a timely matter.  Classes start in little more than a week, and I already don't feel emotionally ready.  Gah! I know it will be okay, but I am still doing to freak out in the meantime.

Vox Hunt: Winter Photo

Share your favorite winter photograph. 

The girls and their creation

Our house from across the street!

Dude. It's raining. Stop wearing

Dude. It's raining. Stop wearing flip flops and house slippers.

Homemade Valentine's Day (all handmade, all the time)

Handmade by Scarlet to her daddy and me

This year has been fantastic thus far, even though I lost my job right after the New Year, and even though we are only halfway through the second month.  Am I frontloading the year and dooming myself to a crappy succession of ten and a half months? I don't think so.  I am pretty sure that my whole year bodes well, especially when it follows in the footsteps of the Best Valentine's Day Ever.  That's right, ever.  Last year was our first V-Day together, but neither Justin or I could remember what in the heck we did.  We have decided that we worked and maybe spent the night together.  Other than that, we both suffer from amnesia regarding the mushy "holiday".

But not this year.  We will remember this year forever.  Or as long as our minds will let us.  Financially, things are pretty tight here at the Hopkins/Shea household (or as I like to secretly combine our names: the Shopkins household), and we knew that we couldn't really go all out like we would prefer to.  Everyone knows the tremendous amount of pressure that Valentine's Day puts on people, regardless of your relationship status.  Justin and I have no problem being cheesy silly mushy lovey-dovey barfy all the time.  We don't need a special day to profess our passionate, undying love (whoa, are we zombies in love??).  And even when you know that V-Day is commercialized, and that you can't afford to splurge on your honey's desire...you would feel horrible if you didn't acknowledge each other.  Justin and I, as barfy lovey as we are, we aren't any different.  So after deciding we couldn't go out to dinner, and we couldn't go to the movies, we decided to have a completely homemade/handmade Valentine's Day.  And it was absolutely wonderful. 

On Thursday, the girls made Justin and I Valentines.  Pictured above is the superb one that Scarlet crafted for us.  I love that it's not red or pink.  She insisted on green.  You can also see that she colored over the green construction paper with yellow marker.  Yay!  She plastered it with stickers on both sides.  And she wove through the heart the gold ribbon (or whatever you call that).  She's nearly four.  Genius. 

So that night I made Valentines for Indiana and Scarlet (I had already secretly bought Justin a card, otherwise I would have handmade his too--although I sitll get points for adding extra stickers to his card and envelope).  I couldn't wait for them to get home from school on Friday so I could give them my cards.

Front of Indiana's card

Inside of Indiana's card

Back of Indiana's card

Front of Scarlet's card (her favorite color is blue)

Inside of Scarlet's card

Back of Scarlet's card

It was ridiculously fun to create these cards, and I loved (loved loved) the girls' reactions when they got them.  They each sat in my lap and had me read them outloud.  And being that I had used the same supplies they had used just the day before, they knew for sure that I had specially made these cards for them and them alone.  They felt pretty special.  *I* felt pretty special. 

Probably the most delish fungi you will ever see

Justin and I made each other feel pretty special when we slept in on Saturday and then focused on preparing dinner for each other that night. After a jaunt to Costco and Fred Meyer, we headed to the Green Valley Meat Market, a local slaughterhouse.  We picked up some fresh T-bone steak for dinner and some Polish sausages for breakfast the next morning.  I was pretty dang excited for our meal--I loved the idea of us cooking for each other, especially since it is something that we do well together.  We make dinner pretty much every night of the week, especially since we have two little girls to feed.  We have some staple recipes that are efficient, but delicious, and we trade off preparation responsibilities.  Maybe what I love most about making dinner is that Justin always (always) comes up behind me and kisses my neck.  It is such a simple gesture, but it absolutely sends me over the moon.  It makes me feel incredibly connected to Justin, knowing that he is compelled to show his love for me while I am puttering around in the kitchen being silly and messy and maybe grumpy.  The feel of his lips on my neck always makes me pause and close my eyes and sigh.  This is how I know we are meant to be together. And it was no different on Valentine's Day, as we both pieced together our dinner. 

Just try to resist...you can't!

The steak (a single cut for us to share) was grilled on Justin's tiny gas-grill on our front porch, just a few feet from where he proposed.  He decided to also make some jaw-droppingly good mushrooms that were sauteed in butter and then some other things were added, including heavy cream.  Ok, so maybe not the healthiest thing ever, but it was Valentine's Day, and we were going to splurge.  My goodness they were delicious!  We made mashed potatoes, I made some home-made italian dressing for a super fresh salad, and we opened a bottle of red wine that Justin had from years ago.  Best part about the wine (other than that we drank the whole bottle)?  It was from a winery just a few miles from my parents' house in Sonoma.  We sat down together at our huge dining table and giggled and sighed and reminisced and looked lovingly at each other.  I had wanted us to get all dolled up for our dinner "date", but time got away from us, and it didn't really matter anyway.  Dinner was fantastic, even more so because we made it ourselves.  And we made the perfect amount because there really weren't any leftovers, and

Mmmmm...potatoes!

we didn't stuff ourselves silly.  We had two tiny pieces of store-bought cheesecake for dessert.  We watched some Lost and then played Guitar Hero until the wee hours of the morning.  It really couldn't have been a better night.  I love that we stayed at home.  I love that we cooked and awesome meal.  I love that we loved just being together and didn't feel compelled to be pressured by any of the commercialism of Valentine's Day.  I love knowing that Justin and I make the perfect pair, and that for us, simple is best.  Please enjoy the pictures of our meal--made all the better because it was made with love.

Perfectly pink

For me there is nothing more delicious than a fresh salad.

I made the dressing from scratch

This is what I call "salad porn"

It tastes even better than it looks. Ok now I am drooling.

Cabernet Sauvignon from Sonoma

I am embarrassed to admit we don't own any wine glasses.

I am officially in college

At last I have the sweatshirt of destiny!

School starts in a few weeks.  I am really excited and really nervous.  I am also pretty sure that I can handle it because I had such a non-traditional undergrad experience.  I pretty much already experienced the graduate school environment by being older than my classmates in undergrad and commuting over an hour, and by actually getting to join the graduate student collegium because i was so awesome.  This time around it's going to be much the same, except I will actually be in graduate school, and I will be emotionally supported by my significant other.  I still will mostly keep to myself like I did before, but I will also have more fun...BECAUSE THIS TIME AROUND I WILL BE WEARING AN OFFICIAL SU SWEATSHIRT!  This may sound silly to many of you, but I never got to have the traditional college sweatshirt the frist time around.  First of all, I couldn't afford it, which may not sound like much of an excuse, but really, I couldn't.  Second, I was pretty, erm, alternative back then, and never would have been caught dead in a college sweatshirt unless it was some sort of ironic tribute to some other school that I never attended, and maybe even hated.  I don't even know how to explain that.,  My lack of SU sweatshirts and memorabilia has led me to adopt the University of Washington colors and wardrobe wholeheartedly through Justin, which is just fine.  Except now that SU is once again part of the NCAA basketball hijinks, UW and SU will actually be playing each other.  ANd I have to cheer for my very own school, even though I am a citizen of Husky Nation.  So while Justin waited for me to get my student ID card last week, he picked out a sweatshirt for me.  How is it that this man knows me inside and out?  He didn't get it because I asked for it.  It was a total surprise.  And here is a picture to prove it: I am ridiculously giddy at the prospect of wearing it all over the place.  I loves me my Jesuit edumacation, I really do.

baby computer is soooo adorables!

Also, my huge laptop reproduced asexually and has brought forth a tinier laptop that I can now take with me to school instead of lugging what is essentially a desktop replacement around.  I will be taking the train into the city every day, and was dreading the thought of taking my laptop with me.  The new HP Mini Netbook weighs just over two pounds!  It has a much smaller keyboard than I am used to (my regular laptop has a normal size keyboard), and so I am having re relearn how to type, but all in all it is sleek and sexy and fits in my purse.  In my purse, people! 

So, new school year, new laptop, new sweatshirt...what more could a college girl ask for?  A summer wedding?  Or is that too much?  :D

Grateful

Despite not having a job, and being moody from time to time...I feel very lucky.  Justin and I have it pretty good right now, which is more than a lot of people have.  I know that I need to be extremely thankful for everything that we have, and not get bogged down in thinking about what we don't have.  So...gratitude.  Contentment.  Actually totally happy.

You know who doesn't write blogs?

Me.

I have not found the motivation at all. 

Is it time to move on and leave the blog behind?

I have had more time in the last month to write...and yet I have done nothing.

On the other hand, I am super-excited for school to start.

I have found myself falling even deeper in love with Justin, which I didn't think was possible.

I get to see the girls every day except every other Saturday and Sunday.

I don't really have a job, but I am happy.

I've neglected posting happy pictures. 

How about some right now?

The girls go to dance class every Thursday afternoon. Justin and I basically get to hang out for two hours and watch little girls be cute.

Scarlet's Montessori school had a Winter Ball a few weeks ago...

That's it for right now.

Box of Shoes

About two weeks ago, a friend of mine gave me a box containing fifteen pairs of shoes.  Kristi works for a shoe company, and gets free shoes all the time.  We found out last summer that we have the same shoes size when I admired a pair she was wearing, and she let me try them on, then proceeded to send me home with them.  She has a shoe surplus, and is trying to get rid of some.  She can't sell them, and offered me the box, thinking I could pick some and then do whatever with them afterwards.  They have sat in my closet more or less since then, and I'm not sure what to do.  Some of them are definite keepers, and others should be burned. I will probably give the "leftovers" to Goodwill rather than trying to sell them.  It's such a bizarre thing to have 15 random pairs of shoes in my possession, so I thought I would share them all with you: the good, the bad, and the ugly.  (Please excuse my unmanicured toes...it's the middle of winter!)

cute, but not so comfy. maybe they need inserts or something

The tennis shoes are the only ones that I am using.  They are SUPER comfy, and I have worn them nearly every day.  Anyways, what do you guys think?  Isn't this the most ridiculous thing ever?  If you click on the pics, i gave each one funny titles that may or may not give away my thoughts.  Don't even get me started on the boots or the caveman platform clogs...

25 Things About Me

(cross-posted from facebook...i am desperate to post anything these days...)

25 Random Things About Me

1. I have had writer’s block since my brother died.  I often feel the urge to write, but I when I set pen to paper, I feel empty, even three and half years later.

2. It is probably for this reason that I have, for the time being, put aside my pursuit of writing as a career, and am now focusing on becoming a teacher.

3. Graduate school starts in four weeks.  I am beside myself with nerves.  I graduated cum laude with my BA, and have to remind myself that this time around, I don’t just get to sit in a lecture class and write awesome essays.  This will actually be hard work.

4. I often write brilliant things in my head, just as I am about to fall asleep.  I try to tell myself to remember for when I wake up and can write it all down, but 99% of the time, it’s lost once I actually fall asleep.

5. I would rather have pie than cake.  I would rather have fresh fruit than pie.

6. In the two poetry contests I have entered as an adult, I have won two of the three prizes both times, for a total of four “wins”.  The first time, I won both first and second place, the second time I won both first and third.  I guess it’s not so bad, losing to myself…

7.  I moved to Seattle ten years ago for all the wrong reasons.  I stayed for all the wrong reasons.  I made many mistakes, missed a hundred great opportunities.  But I am exceedingly happy with my mistakes, for they have brought forth the best parts of my life, which otherwise could never have occurred. 

8. As much as I like Seattle, the weather up here is finally starting to grate on my nerves.  Maybe I’ve been spending too much time in Las Vegas?  Nah, no such thing as too much time in Vegas.

9. Speaking of Las Vegas, it used to be a city I swore I would never go to.  Then I did, and it was okay, but my brother was killed in Iraq while I was there, and I swore I would never go back.  Now it may be my favorite place ever.

10. I talk to my brother every day in my head, even if it’s just to sigh heavily in his general direction, wherever that may be.  I miss him with a fervor that is indescribable.

11. Sometimes people are shocked at the calm way I speak about Tim’s death.  What I can’t explain to them is that being calm about it is the only thing that keeps me calm about it.

12. I suppose most of you won’t know about my eyes.  Well, let’s fill you in: I have a disease called keratoconus. It makes for pretty horrible vision, of a complicated, hard to explain sort. It involves science, which I am not so good at.  Three years ago I had to have both of my corneas transplanted. I call them my “deadguy eyes”, which is pretty funny, because now I see dead people.  O r through them.  Or something.

13. I have written three different things in this thirteenth spot, and deleted them all.  I think I worry that I am not interesting enough.  There, that’s number 13.

14. I live in Seattle, and have never been up the Space Needle, not even when I worked right underneath it.  I have also never been to Mt Rainier, or the Olympic Peninsula.  I need to travel my own state more.

15. Two musical artists I love no matter what: Madonna and Duran Duran.

16. I have kept a journal since I was seven years old.  Some years are more interesting than others.

17. Some stories that I wrote way back when (think from age ten, around then) have recently resurfaced.  They star me, poorly disguised, and my best friend.  We are always damsels in distress about to be rescued, usually by some movie star.  They are pretty interesting for a ten year old.  I think they would now be classified as fan-fiction, which is kinda sad. 

18. Back when I was child writing my awesome stories, I didn’t know how to write about sex.  So I copied in sex scenes from the books I was reading, and just changed the names, and sometimes the setting.  What books could I have possibly been reading that had sex scenes?  Stephen King always had the best ones.  I really shouldn’t have been reading Stephen King either.

19. I have an irrational fear of aliens and post-apocalyptic movies of the 70’s.  Can’t talk about it too much or I’ll freak myself out.  Oddly, I like zombie movies.

20. Ok, I’ll just admit it: I never really liked Seinfeld.  Whoo! Glad I finally got that off my chest.

21. This 99-year-old house we just moved in to? First place besides my parents’ that feels like home.  Must be a sign.

22. I always thought I would grow up to be professional musician, playing my flute in some world-famous symphony.  Turns out I’m not crazy enough.  No, really, you kinda have to be nuts to be a professional.  Last concert I played was ten years ago with the North Bay Wind Ensemble.  Playing alongside me was my high school history teacher, Mr. O’Toole.  Actually, he was playing the clarinet. 

23. Song that almost always makes me cry? “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey.  Unless it’s a really bad karaoke version.  And then I just grin like an idiot. That’s a long story.  Ask me about it some time.

24. I started a blog in order to write about a reading project I have undertaken: to read every novel that has won a Pulitzer Prize.  The reading is more or less on track, considering.  The blog, however, has devolved into personal musings.  Dang.

25. I WILL make a quilt this year.  YES I WILL.